Why Self-Care is More Than “Just a Break”
Self-care keeps popping up everywhere. It’s like that juice trend when every juice went from being just apple, just grape, just orange to having cranberry added. You couldn’t drink anything without cranberry crashing the party. But self-care isn’t some new hot trend people like throwing around. It is a vital part of your health and wellness.
You may feel that as a parent, you don’t have the luxury of extra time to yourself. You may even feel that putting self-care on your to-do list may feel like you are slacking, being selfish, or any myriad of thoughts and feelings. The reality is that a negative mindset, along with not having self-care, can actually hurt you more. Self-care can actually help you be more productive and balance all those crazy things you have on your plate.
Preventing Overloads and Burn outs
Your to-do list started out small this morning but as the day has gone on, you realize your list just keeps growing. You push through. You may feel overwhelmed, overloaded, and maybe even burned out. Adding Self-care may seem like it’s counter-productive, but by taking a moment to stop and eat lunch or take a shower, go for a run, etc.… you can actually manage that to-do list easier. It keeps you from getting to your breaking point where you feel you can’t go on.
Reducing Negative Effects of Stress
Wedged between the heartwarming story of the cat fostering turtles and the story of how your neighbors may not be who you think they are in the news, you may have also heard that long term stress can have negative effects on you both mentally and physically. Self-care can actually reduce that. Adding self-care reduces your stress levels. Lower stress can not only keep you from pulling out your hair, but it can also help with blood pressure and other stress-related health problems.
Refocusing
In a recent podcast interview, travel blogger Jema discussed how taking a break actually helps her refocus. She explained that taking a break often helps you see what is important and what doesn’t matter. Things you don’t need to do, like answering irrelevant emails, crocheting personalized coats for everyone coming to your child’s birthday party, or even matching every last pair of your child’s socks before they go into the drawer. Taking a break and coming back not only gives you a new perspective, but it also gives you a tiny energy burst to jump you back into where you left off.
It’s Not a Reward
Potty training often involves rewards. Your child goes on the toilet, she gets an M&M. Your child does their chores every day for a week and they get a treat. We do this “reward” mentality for more lots of accomplishments, big and small. If we do X then we will treat ourselves with Y. But self-care shouldn’t be the reward. “Self-care isn’t a reward, it’s part of the process”. Self-care isn’t an indulgence. When you hear self-care, you may imagine bubble baths, romance novels, and chocolate, but that’s not it.
You wouldn’t tell your child “No, you don’t get to eat today until your room is clean and your homework is done.” That would be abusive. So why are you abusing yourself with these same thoughts? Basic needs are not a reward. Taking breaks, eating lunch, taking a shower, working out, or setting up a playdate in order to have adult conversation beyond that poor grocery store clerk shouldn’t be a reward, but a reality.
Recently in my “Imperfect Moms’ Club” I explained that how you feel after the activity will help you understand if it’s an indulgence or true self-care. If you come home from that playdate and find that you feel ready to take on dinner, dishes, laundry, and playing with your kids, then it wasn’t slacking, it was self-care. If you took a break to surf social media and afterwards still feel drained, then it was probably more of an indulgence. It’s okay to indulge, but remember, self-care and indulgence are different.
Changing the Way You Think and Feel
In the last “Imperfect Moms’ Club” meeting, many of the mothers expressed how self-care can fall by the wayside because other things seem more important, fears and anxieties that get in the way. You may be struggling with doing your self-care due to a bigger issue. Ultimately, you need to know and feel that you are worthy of that time and care. Changing your feelings about yourself and your need for self-care may come with doing it. You may need more than just a little self-care boost, if those feelings and struggles are beyond “just a break”.
If you need help with self-care, or need help beyond self-care, don’t hesitate to reach out to your loved ones, your support group, or even to a therapist. Being the best you doesn’t have to wait until the children are grown. It can happen now.
