When Mother's Day isn't Happy

Mother’s Day can be a wonderful day to celebrate your mom or be pampered by your own children, but it’s not a joyful occasion for every woman.  There are many women out there who struggle in the weeks leading up to Mother’s day of their pain.  Maybe their pain is as a daughter-if the relationship is strained or their own mother has passed away. Or maybe they’ve had heartache on their own journey to motherhood: childlessness, infertility, or loss.  These can be incredibly painful events and Mother’s Day is not only a reminder of their pain, but a stark contrast to the joy that it seems everyone else must be feeling.  If you know someone who may find this Mother’s Day difficult, here are a few tips to remember.

Pause before you say, “Happy Mother’s Day!”

Try to be aware of who you’re talking to and their story.

Acknowledge it  

Most people find it incredibly uncomfortable to bring up someone else’s pain.  You might think, “I don’t know what to say” or “I don’t want to remind her and make her sad.”  But if you know that someone is struggling and you don’t say anything, it might come across like you don’t care. So say something! A simple “I’m thinking about you” text can mean everything.

Don’t try to fix it

It’s okay to be sad and not feel like celebrating.  If you catch yourself starting to say “well at least_______” stop right there! Although well meaning, this phrase usually undermines their pain and leads to feeling isolated.  There’s no time limit for grief, so if it’s been 1 year or 15 years, it’s ok to still be sad on Mother’s Day.

Share stories

People usually love to hear the good stories about a loved one.  So if they’ve lost a child or their own mother, don’t be shy about talking about them.  It’s a beautiful way to keep that loved one close.

Don’t complain about your own family

Family gatherings usually bring out all those fun family dynamics.  Your mom or mother-in-law is sure to push your buttons.  Or maybe your kids trashed the kitchen while making you breakfast.  If you need to vent with someone just be careful who you’re talking to.

If you still feel uncomfortable and don’t want to “say the wrong thing” to a friend or family member, thank you for being considerate and thinking about that person.  Thank you for reading this article and trying to learn more.  Feel free to tell your friend just that. Something as simple as “I’m so sorry, I don’t really know what to say, but I know this must be hard for you and I’m here for you” Might make a world of difference